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| Black-eyed Susans are some of the cheeriest in my garden |
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| Cup flowers tower about a foot over my head |
This morning I listened to music as I took my walk (E is golfing so I have a little time to myself which you likely know that I enjoy). One of the songs that came on was "White Wedding" by Billy Idol (Best of Rock: 1985 on Spotify) and one of the lines stuck out to me - It's a nice day to start again. Billy growled it, as he always does, and this song is not at all a wedding song, nor particularly uplifting, but I felt inspired by it. It is a nice day (albeit smoky/hazy) and I am ready to start again.
If you read my last post, and are prone to trying to diagnose people (like I am), this will not be a shock to you. I am going through a bout of depression. Irritability that got my manager's attention and made her ask me "How are you? No really - how are you?". As I cried through my one-on-one and expressed my frustration and pessimistic view of my job, my career, the very future of the entire profession, and heard her tell me to take some time to figure out what I wanted or needed to do, a little bell went off in my head. I am depressed. I've been here before, so started kicking myself for not recognizing it before. Low motivation, low energy, no joy in things I usually enjoy, tearful, irritable. Check, check, check. As they say, the first step to getting help is recognizing you need help. I am getting help and working on it. I am not yet feeling back to my normal self, but I will get there. I thought I would let you know. This is a big part of why I have not posted in over a month.
Here I am - I'm coming back and it is a nice day to start again.
Back in the beginning of June, I went on a scrapbooking retreat (see Nineteen of 50) and it was so great to spend time with my sister and other friends, to be creative, to reminisce about my senior year of high school. I completed only 8 pages but feel like I really did accomplish something.
The rest of June was not great - I finished only 1 book, tried only 1 new recipe, and blogged only twice. I did keep up with walking despite the 9000 degree heat, mostly thanks to E's encouragement. He also picked strawberries with me ("made" me go to the strawberry patch which I was later grateful for), even though he wouldn't eat a strawberry if you paid him. He did the great bulk of the work with the cabin sale (we closed on July 7th - Woohoo!) and is always there with a giant hug when I need it. I found a good one, and I intend to keep him!
July went a little better, mostly because I was aware of what was going on in my mind and was trying to get back on track. Three new recipes, five books finished and good walking time, seeing friends on the Fourth, plus we took a little trip to Wisco to visit our friends who we last saw in March 2020 on our cruise right before the world shut down. I got my wand from the Wizarding World of Harry Potter (Wisco friends had driven so we asked them to haul it home for us since it didn't really fit well in my suitcase) so I can now cast spells again. We had such a pleasant time with B&G in ATW and can't wait to see them again soon.
There you have it - the explanation of my struggle bus ride and how I have turned a corner and am slowly moving ahead. My upcoming posts will likely be shorter, but I plan to post more frequently. Stay tuned, my friends and fans, and remember, it's a nice day to start again.
Until we read again,
Hallie
Fifty for 50 Tally
Books completed – 27 (6 more in progress)
Recipes tried – 25
Blog posts published– 21
Miles walked in June - 53.39
Miles walked so far in July - 52.2 (there may be one more walk yet today)
Miles walked year-to-date –331.98
Scrap book pages completed –27
Hats donated – 20
Hours volunteered – 0
